a good ol’ Brian home media review: Apollo 18

Blair Witch Project? In space? What can be bad about this?” I thought this to myself upon standing in front of a local RedBox, naked. The lackluster trailer and fact that this movie made shit at the box office should have tipped me off.  As the credits rolled as they were just prefaced about how it was actual footage, I felt like I only watched the first 3/4ths of the movie.  Yes, there’s a decent amount of silent suspense peppered with foolish in-your-face scares (waking up from sleeping, a camera shaking, a rock moving, I wish I was exaggerating).   As a professional film director, I felt there were endless possibilities with various scenes in this movie to make it actually suspenseful and/or scary.  Scenario: in a cave with a flash bulb that puts out light every few seconds, make an alien attack an astronaut! Of course that doesn’t happen; instead there is pracitally a bed and breakfast scene with the aliens. Ultimately, Apollo 18 falls short on actual scares, actual alien encounters, and an actual ending (the DVD/Blu-Ray offers four, yes, four alternate endings and about 20 deleted/alternate scenes).  This should tell you something about the movie: save your $1.64 Check out Wendy’s new breakfast menu!

A quick minute-by-minute guide:

**MINOR SPOILERS UP AHEAD**

1-10 mins: lots of talking and debriefing and a noise

10-30: unnecessary shaky camera footage; the aliens commit theft

30-60: hermit crabs as pets in Floridian gift shops and a zombie astronaut

60-86: heavy breathing, thoughts of feeling underwhelmed, and concern for movie’s lack of a big alien finish

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Author: brian

Opinions don't matter-just mine.🙋

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