brian accosts the super bowl’s movie trailers

Did I watch the Super Bowl this year? God, did I!? No. But I watched the commercials. And Madonna’s lip-syncing mouthing words live performance walking around on stage really gay-like with gay background dancers and gay lights and gay special effects. I liked it, obviously. Still, let’s window-shop some of the previews during the Super Bowl:

John Carter: I liked you back when you had a full preview back in November. I know you can jump high. And I look forward to you battling larger-than-life aliens. Thanks for showing me how to spell your name though! And as a brief aside: out of all the attractive actors in the world, you pick Snakes on a Plane‘s Taylor Kitsch? Brrr.


The AvengersAs of Saturday February 4, 2012, I hated you. You looked like a two-hour movie filled with bad quotes and a ten minute scene somewhere with cool explosions in a street. Today, you won me over like Susan Boyle when she first opened her mouth on stage but still looked ugly.  But I swear on my child that if this is just a boring fest with a bunch of heroes talking and not knocking the shit out of things, I will be irritable.

Battleship: I’m teeter-tottering with you. I’m trying to get excited but the more robot things you show me unleashing havoc on cities with large buildings, the more I think about how I loved Transformers, how I was “meh” about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and forgot what I even saw in Transformers: Dark of the Moon. And Rihanna…..stop. Just stop.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation: Ultimately I’m sure I will keep you close to my heart when I see you. The original preview from a few months ago was surprisingly lackluster as I felt the preview for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was all kinds of kick ass (still hard to top the driving in Paris scene). Wait, the more I think about it, I am really excited now that I saw this preview. I just hope it lives up to its predecessor from 2009.


Star Wars: Episode I- The Phantom Menace 3D: That’s enough.


Author: brian

Opinions don't matter-just mine.🙋

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