The calendars say it’s 2013. I DON’T BELIEVE THE CALENDARS WHEN I WATCH THIS MOVIE. I realize I’m a freak that notices/becomes emotionally concerned with lighting in cinema. But I’m not asking for much in this day and age- if we can toast bread, we can surely make the characters in a movie seem like they are actually in the scene even if the background is all green screen, AMIRIGHT? Not once in this movie was I able to pretend to believe that anything looked realistic. Well, wait, I half-take that back. The little China girl made of porcelain looked 100% amazing-honestly. That was one of the few things that impressed me. But then she spoke, and I just wanted to crush her little porcelain face in with a severe cough. I’m getting side-tracked. Now, I appreciate much of what director Sam Raimi has done in his career-loved the original Evil Dead; loved Drag Me to Hell. And I wanted to love Oz: The Long and Winded Title That Could Have Been Shortened and More Memorable. It sadly fell very short of my dreams. Sure, it was beautifully animated with lots of color and in-your-face (but-unnecessarily-so) 3-D, but as we move forward into the 2010s(?), I expect the caliber of Avatar effects and not those of the SciFi Sharkigator bullshit that everyone is pretending to like because everyone else is pretending to love it because it is so bad but no one even possibly enjoys it, regardless of how stupid it is.
Final remarks: Michelle Williams is just lovely. (Now, I’m about to make tens of enemies here, but…) James Franco was a horrible choice for the role. He looked some random dude from a frat that put on a top hat with his sadly ambitious cheesestache. And Mila Kunis, no matter how pretty she is, will always be unenjoyable for me because she was in That 70s Show and voices Meg in Family Guy. She can’t be unheard or unseen.