Brian’s Talks About Jurassic World

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This will probably be the hardest thing I’ve done since coming out (lolz), but here goes… Jurassic World was alright. Please understand that I obviously enjoyed it.  Dinosaurs galore, Bryce Dallas Howard’s bangs, fun special effects- the movie had it all! However, I don’t understand why it made THAT much money opening weekend- maybe it was the marketing? I mean, more money than The Avengers?! Come on, I know I won’t see an action movie that phenomenal for a while. Back on track, I love Bryce Dallas Howard- she does no wrong! Hair always on fleek (even around a helicopter): check. Running in the wild in heels: double check.  She did a great job with her character, even if she was dealt a cunty character. Chris Pratt: whatevs. He’s this generation’s flavor of the month with action movies. Come back when you want to go shirtless, Pratty Cake. And the two kids in this movie….Christ, I wish they would have gotten trampled and then eaten. Annoying little fucks the whole time. The older brother (Nick Robinson- I’ll compliment you next year when you’re 21) was a bipolar disorder most recent episode depressed buffoon (take that, DSM!). And the little brother….his hair continued to grow through out the movie. Eye roll emoji, that’s really all there is to say.

The special effects were good on the whole; but as with mascara, less is more. At one point the only real thing on the screen was grass, everything else was computer-generated. When I start seeing dinosaurs that look shiny because the effects are not on fleek as 2015 would like for them to be, I become uneasy. I look back at the effects in Jurassic Park and become befuddled that some of the special effects in 1993 were more impressive than those in this movie in 2015!  I’m a diva with special effects- sorry, not sorry.

I had fun though. I can’t get mad at summer action movies- this one did what it came to do. It had some wonderfully developed actions scenes that, while, yes, the trailer shows so much you can tell the whooooole story line, there were some fun surprises (no boobs, though). I won’t give anything away like every Game of Throne fan seems to do on Facebook. There’s just never going to be the wow-factor that the original delivered (what seemed so) effortlessly. Jurassic World‘s plot just reeks of fourth installment.

B-

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Author: brian

Opinions don't matter-just mine.🙋

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