Fuck American Idol. Fuck the po-lice. And fuck the idiotic 12 year old girls voting 232 times over night for Dalton’s bitch ass so they can gab about it the next day with their friends at school during phys. ed. We seem to live in a world where a majority of the American population can’t even vote together to give a truly talented person to win American Idol since 2005. I said it and refuse to take it back. A recap of the last 14 seasons’ winners, for your pleasure:
season 1: I don’t have to say anything other than thank God Justin Guarini didn’t take the crown *sign of the cross*
season 2: He lost weight, so…okay?
season 3: Give it to the single mother, she deserves the food stamps.
season 4: 6 # 1 albums, 7 Grammy’s, 11 ACM awards. Next.
season 5: America done fucked up. He runs a BBQ restaurant now.
season 6: I’m still bitter Melinda Doolittle lost. Sorry, not sorry.
seasons 7-11: America goes through her 16 year old girl phase in voting 5 consecutive years for a white guy with a guitar. Brava.
season 12: Brian loses it and gives up on watching 2 seasons after this as Angie Miller was supposed to one but, in turn, was awarded to the strong, independent black woman who can sing. I guess they wanted to make up for fucking shit up in season 3 after kicking off Jennifer Hudson 😦
season 13: what the fuck.
season 14: A pretty white man. Got it.
So, I figured I’d give the final season a whirl. After all, I dedicated over a decade of my time, patience, and angry blogging to it. For once, I wanted the white guy with a guitar to actually win (Mackenzie Bourg). But now America can not be stopped, as they want to award the (wait for it!) single mom who is also a strong, independent, black woman! Dalton, who would have been cool 10 years ago with his guy-liner, is next in line for some verbal abuse. And then we have the sweet, talented Trent- the only person I have left that I want to win but stands little chance against single mom and Hot Topic. If all else fails (ie the shit show that will be the finale), we’l lat least get to watch past Idol contestants perform to remind us how fucking stupid the country can be when it comes to voting for a winner. Next: the U.S. president (smirk emoji)