“If MTV gives it glowing reviews, expect to enjoy it if you’re 19 years old.”- me

This movie had some good things going for itself. The good includes its fantastic lineup of actors’ and actresses’ voices. As with any Seth Rogen concept, it’s accompanied by the regulars: Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd, James Franco, etc., but a nice, lengthy list nonetheless. Another pro (and particular favorite of mine) is the creativity of the movie’s major synopsis. What the characters see compared to how humans perceive it is done hilariously.  Without giving anything away aside from the trailers’ reveal, I enjoyed myself heartily when the food was getting diced or eaten. And I’m pretty macabre.

When you think about it, Sausage Party came with a lot of potential. In this world that the movie creates, it stayed a pretty narrow coarse.  It maintained the sense of humor the 18-22 age range will eat up (*snare drum sound*), but beyond the outlandish death scenes, it just entertains sex and drugs….go figure. And don’t get me wrong, the sex scene was outrageous and funny. But Rogen always feels the need to rely on drugs to make a story funny when it’s already funny on its own.


“…Suicide Squad is the **** of the **** They need to burn it down…”- user review from Metacritic.com -_-

A little dramatic but okay lolz. I will say in a world dominated by superhero movies getting shoved down our gullets, this one was refreshing. It had some cute -if not forced- edge to it, and contained some enjoyable comic book vibes.  The introductions of the cast are thrown at us pretty quickly, to the point to where you kind of want to just give up on recalling who is who and just remember the key characters that we’re “supposed” to know- eye roll- with Harley Quinn and the Joker. Now, hear me out when I report I enjoyed this movie over all. However, I felt like I was watching a movie within a movie re: the love connection with the Joker and Harley Quinn.  Jared Leto and Margot Robbie did great jobs; America seems to be getting moist panties a little too much for me, but for what they portrayed, I was satisfied.  It just seemed as if their relationship was an excuse to put a revived characterization of the Joker for a potential excuse for a Joker movie spinoff later down the line.

The plot of this movie seemed pretty constricted when there was more potential.  The action was fairly consistent and well-paced, but the fight scenes for me were too jumbled, haphazard, and riddled with smoke and mirrors for me to really enjoy it.  Pardon the necessary comparison to a Marvel film, but movies like The Avengers and Captain America: Civil War seem to offer fight scenes were the action is clear and calculated to where it is more appreciated. In this DC movie, though, the camera seems for too zoomed in, and the lens seems to be darkened or too hazy. I’m being a naggy bitch, but if you’re going to give me action, let me see it, assholes.


“She’s behind the door. Watch….see?! What did I say?”- idiot bitch next to me the whole time in the theater, sucking her fingers every time she ate a piece of popcorn, which was somehow the entire duration of the movie.

I’ll watch nearly any horror movie, aside from Tyler Perry features. However, when it comes to me being satisfied, it can be a different story.  Biased or not, I’d been wanting to see Lights Out all year long after I saw the short this movie was based on.  As far as plot and characters, this movie is pretty typical.  If you ever saw Darkness Falls (2003), you’d say this movie is fairly similar in that the scary monster thing can’t kill folks in the light. Teresa Palmer (a pretty version of Kristen Stewart that has life in her face) does a modest job of being afraid of the dark. She does well so as to not make you watch her character and hope she dies. Likewise, Maria Bello is the “crazy” mom; I’ll avoid the mental health soap box, but she does what she can with her character having bipolar (please note I’m rolling my eyes here at the diagnosis).

Now, this movie delivers some great and unique scares given that it only relies on one entity that requires nothing major with special effects.  The jumps are provided time and time again. And with a short 80+ minute time, no effort is wasted in giving us boring background stories or humdrum nonsense.  Directed by a guy that has only directed shorts previously, this movie does enough to impress horror fans while leaving a possible impression on us to, in time, have his name recognized one day much like James Wan, who has his hand in every horror movie out there in the last several years and including, of course, this one.  The end has a poorly executed but still relevant twist that will probably (but not hopefully) lead to a sequel, be it in theaters, VOD, or Netflix, no doubt.  Overall, for a PG-13 movie, I was a bit more impressed that I thought I would be going into this movie, and I had somewhat high expectations.



“Original, fun, and dynamic: the opposite of its predecessor.”- me, with my ID4 flag and cap, and a bucket of popcorn in my lap while I wear a frown

WHY!? The original gave us a unique (for its time) story, cutting-edge (for its time) special effects, and provided us with a satisfying ending that did not need a sequel. So, what…..20 years later and some writers pen together a script: “So, the aliens wait 20 years because it’s been 20 years. And maybe…..20 years of Earth preparing…..20 years…..20 years. 20. Two zero.” We get it. Good Jesus.  And I blame the writers for this, not the director, Roland Emmerich. Now don’t be mistaken, this director is known for his disaster movies that lack in characterization, but they’re still fun to watch (Godzilla (1998 version), The Day After Tomorrow, 2012). But none of these movies ever need a sequel.  This was a disaster movie that was a genuine disaster.

I was raised on Independence Day when it came out….20 years ago (eye roll).  So I went into this movie with a hint of bias, low expectations, and IBS.  I came out even less satisfied. The action scenes were so forced, and that was supposed to be the meat of this movie.  The final action scene with the mother alien tramping around like a T-Rex after a school bus in the desert really made me feel like I was watching Jurassic Glactic . Ultimately, the action scenes didn’t seem to last long, yet this movie seemed to drag.  They were good special effects, of course. But it takes a bit more that that. Otherwise, throw this shit onto a 2-night special event on NBC.  You need a decent plot, or you’re just going to smell like a Sharknado movie. The characters in this movie had me rooting for them to get killed. I didn’t understand the point in bringing back Vivica A Fox’s character. And the fact that I was looking forward to this movie being over made me sad because the original was so great. Consider me a child that was sitting on the stoop, waiting for dad to pick him up for the weekend, only to have his kooky uncle to pick him up instead.



“Scarier than the first one.”- Wanda, ticket stub tearer at the cinema

And Wanda was right! FTW! Now tear my ticket, Wanda (eye roll). No one needs your opinion. Which remind me: here’s mine! So director James Wan has come a long way in making a good name for himself. He was behind all seven Saw movies, directed the first and second Insidious (eat shit, Insidious 3), and truly came around with The Conjuring and Annabelle. I grocery-list these movies to show you how he has progressed as a director.  We all think the same for the Saw series, amiright?! Let’s shout it out together, “The first one was awesome. The second one was cool. The third one was pretty good. 4,5,6….I don’t know what is happening. The last one was…wait was that the one with the window display?” But then his groundbreaking Insidious (forgetting how the sequel was lazy and the third was just uncalled for) showcased his mastery of directing. The first Conjuring did some fantastic shit with camera angles and zooming in, as well as being pretty original for being, like, the 72nd exorcism movie ever.

(Sorry to prattle on but…) so this sequel picked up gracefully from the original.  It paced well, and it provided so many well-times jolts. And I’m talking well-earned, gratifying, slap-on-the-back jolts that feel almost congratulatory.  Without giving too much away, the portrait scene was, without a doubt, one of my favorite horror scenes in the last decade.  When was the last time you saw a legit scary scene that took place in daylight? BAM.  The return of actors Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga was a triumph in itself for this movie, as they continue to have an awesome connection as actors.

I would have been okay if they carved a good 25 minutes from this movie, as some of it would have been better “deleted scenes” cuts on a DVD release. At times, this sequel seemed to try to be a bit more complex when not even necessary, which was the greatness of the first Conjuring with its simplicity, but I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me. Overall, this movie held its own as one of the few sequels out there that was made to be more than just a sequel to make more money than the original. It was an unexpected delight.


Popstar: A long SNL skit

I laughed several times. It was refreshing because most comedies are aimed at just sex appeal and drugs.  Sure, Popstar aimed at some really easy targets to poke fun, but it was pretty spot-on most times.  Now, the majority of the scenes are funny, but not the point to get a literal LOL on. It was enjoyable to not get bored with this movie. Once you overlook the fact that this poke-at-pop theme is kind of dated and so 2000, you get to appreciate the ridiculousness of this movie. The songs are genuinely catchy with the most ridiculous lyrics that truly make you concerned about the writers’ well-being. But I think it’s safe to say that anyone who enjoys the SNL Digital Shorts will eat this movie up.  No substance but still good fun.


X-Men: I’ve Lost Count

Director Brian Singer, in charge of all of the X-Men movies aside from The Last Stand, got sloppy here. And I should start by saying I may have walked into this movie biased as I saw all 14 trailers that social media shoved down my throat prior, so I felt as if I already saw this movie.  I’ll do my compliment sandwich:

This movie did a fair job of continuing the characterization of the major characters. We continue to see why Magneto is to become a villain; Charles Xavier as he wants to stay hopeful; how Storm goes from bad to good; and even still learning about Mystique- just to name a few. We get to witness the budding of certain relationships, and overall it was nicely done, perhaps a bit forced.  Now, to have to watch some of these special effects was downright cringe-worthy. It was bizarre: some seasons were mesmerizing to watch, and others looked like they were taken out of an action movie from 2002.  I don’t know if it was a budget issue (smirk), but the aftermath scenes at the end were horribly visualized. And even the makeup was rough, specifically Apocalypse himself. It reminded me of something from 20 years ago. Meh. And yet, it did something that makes me anticipate the next movie in this series. I enjoy watching the team gather and fight random shit, watching them continue to build on each other, and even how this movie still doesn’t take itself too seriously at the end of the day (pun intended). The downside to throwing so many characters in is that it starts to get difficult focusing on any main characters and being able to get solid stories out of them instead of it just being (what feels like) cameo after cameo.