Hey girls. did y’all know this?

Okay. First things first. I’m sorry (Jordan) that my blog has turned into one in which I just bitch about shit that pisses me off.  What can I say? I use this motherfucker to fucking release fucking tension. You use a journal, your hand, or a Taylor Swift playlist to do such. I use my blog. Let’s move on.

Now, there have been an ever-increasing amount of these obnoxious “hey girl did you know about your boobs?” memes that make me want to saw my own foot off.  Let’s look below for a definition.

  • Meme: an idea or element of social behavior passed on throughgenerations in a culture, esp by imitation

 There are tens of thousands on the great World Wide Web. Yet, I particularly hate this fucking meme:

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As the origin of these memes,(from Tumblr, go figure!) this picture was aimed at girls who took revealing pictures of their mammary glands and posted it online. I’m not a cleavage guy      😐        but I would rather stare at cleavage than have to take another look at this little 8 year old bitch who wants to prove to the world that she is somehow above “cleavage picture” whores. Now I could easily create an endless list of things that truly piss me off with this specific meme; chief among them: the amount of time she probably took to get all dolled up (I’LL GUESS A FUCKING HOUR, MINIMALLY) for a series of webcam shots, the amount of cam shots she probably took to take just the right picture of herself four times (I’ll guess 42, but prove me wrong, cunt), the fact that she was able to make herself look like a moronic deep-dish dumb fuck four times with her moronic facial expressions…….I’ll stop. This is just making my blood pressure rise. Fucking bitch.

But most of all, I hate what this one fucking meme has created on the internet.  It created a chain reaction of more deep-dish dumb fucks taking pictures of themselves in truly attempting to one-up this idiot. For example, here’s another bitch that wanted to respond to the above meme, and (by the looks of her) wanted to look and sound like even more of a fucking imbecile:

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Good use of “guise,” dickhead.

Next, we have this sudden fucking social activist that is just so triumphant in surely everything she does, including the way she wears her hat and sleeps in a bunk bed:

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Then, there’s the meme that makes me pretty volatile. These children (yes, children, who probably just “graduated” from fourth grade at celebrated at Olive Garden) attempt to explain to us where every fucking penis belongs.  EVERY. FUCKING PENIS.:Image

By the children’s third photo, I would have guessed they were demonstrating the structure of a uterus and two ovaries with their child hands. But I know nothing. In regards to the guy’s response: I like it. I’ll allow it. But put a fucking shirt on.  People give zero fucks about your collar bones. 

Lastly, the only meme of this type that I actually like:

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Period.

 

 

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a good ol’ brian’s home media review

I heard this was game-changing. I heard the end had a “twist.” I heard bullshit.  Love Rachel McAdams. Love. She can’t steer me wrong…giggity.  But Jesus Christ, Channing Tatum: I don’t care about how nice of a body you have.  If you can’t act, you can’t act.  He will always look to me as if he has Down syndrome (no disrespect to those who have it!).  He’s just hard to handle if he’s not in some brainless action movie.  Their onscreen chemistry came across as friends, not lovers, let alone a married couple.  The amnesia characteristic made this movie somewhat intriguing for just another romantic drama, but overall it made some scenes hard to believe an amnesiac would do or say, such as not believing her husband is her husband after he’s insisting.  Photos and marriage certificates must not have existed in 2011.  The final quarter of the movie decides to turn into some intense “oh no he di-int” Jerry Springer nonsense from left field (BASEBALL REFERENCE: CHECK).  It’s great that this movie was based on true events, but make it into some trendy middle-aged housewife sex-crazed fantasy novel instead of a film.

Snow white & the hunstman

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I’ll be brief here.  This movie made for a great move trailer.  It stops there.  It’s empty, like my bowels (currently).  Its 127 minutes feels like the preview being shown approximately 58 times.  I know I’m automatically biased because of my dislike towards Kristen Stewart’s acting talking in a movie being Kristen Stewart and getting paid to do so, but I remained optimistic in that it had the same producers as Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. Optimism fail!  It followed the exact plot formula as Alice in Wonderland.  And I was even thinking Kristen was truly doing some impressive acting for the first half of the movie, when I realized she never even talked that whole time; she simply ran.  Her interaction with co-star Chris Hemsworth (I like that you’re only 2 years older than me but appear to be my father) was simply awkward.  The special effects were hit and miss. Sometimes I enjoyed them (‘sup, mirror on the wall); sometimes I was dry downstairs.  The one thing I truly enjoyed was Charlize Theron’s performance as Ravenna.  Perfection!  The comic relief wasn’t comic relief for me, and I have nothing against midgets.  Maybe the sequel will impress me.

a good ole brian home media review: the devil inside

There’s more exorcism movies out there than there are Apple’s reinventions  Gosselin children  moronic blogs  80s movie remakes…..I’m not sure where to go with this. I’ll keep this short then. Sadly, if you own a tv/internet, you know what scares to expect courtesy of the eye-rape bombardment of previews that came out for this movie about a month before it came to theaters this past January. So, 90% of the scares were anticipated and not fun for me. I did like a touch of originality that The Devil Inside showcased with its “transference” wizardry.  But, director William Brent Bell, let the fact that the movie made over 60% of its entire gross in its first 3 days of opening, the fact that sales plummeted 76% in its second week, and the fact that Metacritic rated it 12/100 be a warning to you, sir: don’t ever fucking end a movie like that again.  The Sopranos had a more pleasant ending. Dipshit.

The movie was pretty cool, though. Suzan Crowley did an eerily impressive job as the mother.

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I’m biased because I read the first book, dragged myself through the second, and am trying to finish the third before I finish myself off.  So the good first.  The movie itself was nicely styled, putting great detail into the Capitol and the rich folk that inhabit the area.  And I will admit the did the book justice for the most part, adhering to a comfortable 85% of the book. Also, there was some great acting by Katniss’ Jennifer Lawrence (who definitely just gave herself a name if she didn’t so before with Mystique in X-Men: First Class).  Gary Ross (Seabiscuit, Pleasantville…really?) had some smooth moves in directing this little number.  The action was not too often, and when it was, it wasn’t pompous like a blockbuster would be.

This segways to the not-so-good.  The shaky-camera does not work for me unless it’s Blair Witch Project.  Maybe I’m getting old, but I was seldom able to see what the fuck was going on in the intense scenes because the cameraman was having a seizure.  Most importantly, people who watch The Hunger Games who did not read the book will be baffled by the characters and their relationships.  The book itself used a shovel to dig into the dynamics between characters, whereas the movie was more concerned with making it look like Katniss was prettier without makeup while wearing makeup.  Case in point: Katniss and Rue (in the movie) meant nothing to me. NOTHING! Good movie though.

a brief review of the Grammys 2012

Taylor Swift acts like a two year old during her performance about people being just so mean and bully-like!  And she wins an award and is shocked? “Me?! Oh my gosh. I’ve won, literally, 100 awards (look it up, y’all) and I am simply humbled. Thanks, pre-teens! Unexpected! AAHHHH!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adele rapes the show of awards and mistakes her awards as bundles of chocolate coins.

J-Hud kicks ass with a Whitney tribute, sticking it to American Idol season 3 in saying thanks for letting me get 7th place!

Carrie stuns America by walking on carpet.

Nicki Minaj acts like Lady Gaga never had a show-stopper at the VMAs in 2009 and acts like a moron. She was as tasteful at a classy event as I imagined she would be.

brian accosts the super bowl’s movie trailers

Did I watch the Super Bowl this year? God, did I!? No. But I watched the commercials. And Madonna’s lip-syncing mouthing words live performance walking around on stage really gay-like with gay background dancers and gay lights and gay special effects. I liked it, obviously. Still, let’s window-shop some of the previews during the Super Bowl:


John Carter: I liked you back when you had a full preview back in November. I know you can jump high. And I look forward to you battling larger-than-life aliens. Thanks for showing me how to spell your name though! And as a brief aside: out of all the attractive actors in the world, you pick Snakes on a Plane‘s Taylor Kitsch? Brrr.

 

The Avengers: As of Saturday February 4, 2012, I hated you. You looked like a two-hour movie filled with bad quotes and a ten minute scene somewhere with cool explosions in a street. Today, you won me over like Susan Boyle when she first opened her mouth on stage but still looked ugly.  But I swear on my child that if this is just a boring fest with a bunch of heroes talking and not knocking the shit out of things, I will be irritable.

Battleship: I’m teeter-tottering with you. I’m trying to get excited but the more robot things you show me unleashing havoc on cities with large buildings, the more I think about how I loved Transformers, how I was “meh” about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and forgot what I even saw in Transformers: Dark of the Moon. And Rihanna…..stop. Just stop.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation: Ultimately I’m sure I will keep you close to my heart when I see you. The original preview from a few months ago was surprisingly lackluster as I felt the preview for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was all kinds of kick ass (still hard to top the driving in Paris scene). Wait, the more I think about it, I am really excited now that I saw this preview. I just hope it lives up to its predecessor from 2009.

 

Star Wars: Episode I- The Phantom Menace 3D: That’s enough.